I Hate This Part Right Here

*What will you do if the one you love loves someone as much as you love him/her? Would you fight for him/her? Or you’ll let him/her go to be happy?

Me? I tried to fight for him. I did my best, I gave my all… but then he still left me… He’s kinda selfish though… he said: “Kung mahal mo talaga ako, antayin mo ako…” I said I can wait for him, but until when?

Now, it’s been two months since we broke up. Two fucking months I’ve waited… but then no one came back. I was so hopeless that everything turned upside down. Days turned into nights and nights turned into day. I can’t sleep at night. I used to drink “redhorse” just to be asleep at night, I can’t eat, I can’t focus on things, I cried every night thingking what went wrong? And yes! Yes! I’ve experienced hell on my freakin’ world! But despite of it. I still haven’t moved on ‘coz I still can’t let go…can’t let go to the man I love the most, to the man that I’ve expect to be with me forever, to the man I gave my all and to the man who doesn’t deserve my freakin’ tears…it hurts and its still hurting…

Now I believe that the was small, and you’ll never know who is in walking towards you…an old friend or a past lover something like that…we’ll never know…

In my case? Never mind. My cousins and couple of old friends tell me that I must learn how to “accept” things first before letting go and start move on. But why? What’s the point? Well, I can’t accept the fact that he left me for a BITCH/SLUT/FEELING/UGLY girl? Gee… stop me. It just freaks me out. I hate them ‘coz they’ve made my life miserable! I hate them for hurting me badly! I hate them! Saying sorry is not enough to fill up the hole in my chest…it cost too much pain! Though “Karma” is just somewhere when someone needed it. Good or bad. It’s just around. But that’s still enough.

You know what? I’m not telling the truth if I tell you that I don’t love him anymore… I just stop showing it. Just to lessen the stupidity in my blood ‘coz I can’t stand it anymore… I still feel sorry for my self and the feeling really sucks.

Now I can tell that I moved on… I’d already let him go and I’m moving on. But learning to accept things? Never. I thought I can’t live without him in my life everywhere I go, everywhere I look I remember things we used to do when we’re still together. He used to eat “bola-bola” and “pugo” near our house, we used to go to malls together SM-San Lazaro is one of them. He drops out in our house, we used to watch TV together, he used to sit in this chair where I’m sitting at, he used to pick me up at school on Thursdays, and he used to give me chocolates when I’m mad at him… I’m a freakin’ looser L I can’t stand it. It digs my heart when I remember our happy memories together. I miss him so much…